apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
