moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to calm my uterus...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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