dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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