I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
