i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
