Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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