The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
