They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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