I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
