from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
