She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
