WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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