Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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