never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
