I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
