Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
