i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
