Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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