he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
