yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
