how can u be prego again
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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