i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
