i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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