the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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