Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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