Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
