somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
