Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
