I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
