Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
