smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
