I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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