so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
