I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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