woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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