watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
