Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
