Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
