Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
