yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
