Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
