I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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