Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
