hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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