I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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