he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
