Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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