I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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