Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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