That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
