I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
