just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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