You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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