Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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